They’re not wrong. That’s because fabric softeners contain quaternary ammonium compounds, or “quats,” such as diethyl ester dimethyl ammonium chloride or dialkyl dimethyl ammonium methyl ...
The solvent used is dichloromethane, but it is likely better to use diethyl ether as it does not form an emulsion. I used dichloromethane because it is easier to obtain for most people.